Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize