suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
