I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
