He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
