Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize