Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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