office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
