You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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