he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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