Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
