It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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