Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
