my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
