Don't you send me to vm
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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