We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
