now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
