just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize