the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hippo gnu deer
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
