So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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