Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize