"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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