Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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