I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
