My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
