and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
