no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Randomize
