I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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