Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
