You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
