According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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