You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
