I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
