Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just made my gag reflex go away.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
