Tell her she can't have a vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
