He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
