He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
