don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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