I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
