I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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