Got a toothbrush?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my being single is dangerous.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
