We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
