party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I can't put those talents on a resume
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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