So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
