I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
