I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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