why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
