Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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