I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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