so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
