The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
