After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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