Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Randomize
