You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
