No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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