Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God I need to hump something, right now.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
