Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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