I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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