omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
