just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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