he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
