turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize