Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
