I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
