Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
