Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
