True but thats because hes a fetus.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
