Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
