is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize