She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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