Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
