A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
