i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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