I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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