obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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