Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
